Coping with the Pain
by CyndersReign-ThePrincessOfHell
Summary: How would you feel if you loved someone, but they loved what you were not? Ed feels conflicted with Roy. Rated M for language, memories, and gore. Ed/Roy ED AND ROY ARE VERY OOC do not kill me. no flames please
1. Introduction

Kinda inspired by Shiny Toy Guns and Marilyn Manson. I really needed a break from my other stories. Rewriting everything for The Psychic Alchemist and whatnot just makes me stressed. Anyway, enjoy: D

How would you feel if you love causing pain?

You'd feel overjoyed, right?

Wrong.

My name is Edward. I'm 20 years old and single. I used to have an amazing boyfriend, Roy, until he dumbed my ass for my exact opposite, Alice. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first time, and my first fiancé. We had dated for 3 ½ years before he fell head over heels for her. My heart was crushed.

My name is Edward. I love pain. I am and forever will be a masochist and a sadist. Roy tolerated it to an extent. He never hurt me and I couldn't do much to him. That was one of the reasons why he left me for her.

My name is Edward. That is who I am. Nothing can change. Nothing ever will.

This is my coping.


	2. Day negitive 7

Wednesday, October 14 (one week before)

"Roy, please, just one little scratch," I begged. He loved torturing me like this.

His face was like a rock. "No. How many times do I have to say it, Edward? I will not hurt you."

"You know what I'm like, Roy. You said you would deal with it, and dealing with IT is dealing with ME. I am no different that myself."

"Then find someone else!" he roared. I shrank into myself as he stomped out the door, slamming it and breaking one of the hinges in the process. My rotten luck again. This had been going on for the past week or so. He'd gotten angrier and angrier by the day and I had no idea why.

"Roy! Please some back! I'm sorry!" I cried. I didn't want him to have road rage and end up dead. I loved him too much. "I'll stop asking! I promise! Just please, please come back inside." My only response was his car starting and screeching out of the driveway.

I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day. My dreams haunted me with blades that hurt.


	3. Day negitive 6

Thursday, October 15 (6 days before)

Does God hate me? I have done nothing wrong but be myself. Is it wrong to be myself anymore? Roy thought so….

"Edward. We are leaving now. Get up and get dressed. NOW!" Roy's voice booms up the hall and down the stairs. He didn't come back until late this morning and God, he was drunker than hell. After punching the shit out of me, he passed out on his bed in the master room with me being on the floor in the living room. I somehow managed to crawl up onto the couch and cry myself to sleep.

"C-Coming, R-Roy," I called back. I rolled off the couch to grimace at the apparent pain in my knee. It was swollen twice its size and dark black and blue. My arms and face were much like that, though to a lesser degree. I scrambled up the stairs to run into him.

I cowarded and blocked my head with my arms as he pushed me back down the stairs. "You changed," he stated before he threw my clothes down to me.


	4. Day negitive 5

Wednesday, October 16 (5 days before)

Was that really love? Or was I lying to myself? God, WHY DO YOU HATE ME!

The meeting was horrible. I was bombarded with questions about my bruises and cuts on my face. "I fell down the stairs again." "I'm fine, really. I can barely feel them." "It's fine. I already made sure that nothing will get infected." "I'll try not to fall down so much. I'm just so clumsy that I can't help it." I said these so many times over that I can't get them out of my head.

My human knee was damaged beyond repair. I asked Mai to try to fix it, but there was nothing even she could do. I couldn't support my weight on it anymore, it just hurt too bad.

Roy wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the day yesterday. The only thing he said to me was "Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't mention me. Got it?" I only half heard what she said, but I still nodded in recognition.

My life is ending as I write this. Am I just going to give up, or save Roy and I?


	5. Day negitive 4

Thursday, October 17 (4 days before)

EVERY TIME I TRY I FAIL. WILL EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?

Nobody understands what I am going through. I have new cuts on my stomach now, also on my thigh. The pain felt so amazing, I almost moaned out loud. I stopped myself before I did when I remembered that Roy was just above me.

He could never begin to understand how I feel about him. I tried talking to him and he literally pushed me against the wall away from him.

What's worse is that I caught him and Lt. Hawkeye making out early this morning in the office.

Will life let me be yet?


	6. Day negitive 3

Friday, October 18 (3 days before)

My worst nightmares are coming true. When will I just forget about everything?

Roy is cheating on me. He and Hawkeye were in his bed this morning. I couldn't believe my eyes. It's like he doesn't even give a shit about me anymore. I can't take this much longer!

Will he ever see what I really am to him? Or did even love me to begin with? I didn't want to believe that, but the idea seemed so real to me that now, it'll be just a few days before the worst will happen. I'll find that sleep won't be comforting anymore.


	7. Day negitive 2

Thursday, October 19 (2 days before)

I suppose life has gotten the slightest bit better. Is this a change for the better?

Roy pulled me aside from our meeting earlier today, said it was something very important. He took me out to the hall and he kissed me. He actually kissed me. The last time he did was a couple weeks ago, before this whole ordeal. I was so happy, I cried.

He said he was sorry for he did; that his work was keeping him up late. How could I not believe him? I know the feeling all too well about being stressed; the first couple months we were together were really tiresome.


	8. Day negitive 1

Friday, October 20 (day before)

Last night was amazing. Roy and I had sex for the first time in months, before all this shit that had come up between us. You want to know what's more amazing? He cut me, not a lot, but he cut me. I was so happy I started crying. He started panicking, asking if he cut too deep or if something else was wrong, which made me cry even harder. I shook my head and hugged him tightly, not wanting last night to ever end.

Though it did….


End file.
